Be Kind to Yourself

October 18th started out with a trip to the pumpkin patch, so innocent and happy; but it ended so unexpectedly sad. I was 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant! I scheduled an ultrasound for my husband's lunch break so he, my daughter and I could find out the sex of our new baby together. I laid down and my husband started filming so we could share the exciting footage with our families. That exciting moment would never happen, though. Instead, we found out that our precious little baby had no heartbeat. It truly felt like a nightmare and not even real life. When we left the house that morning, we were giddy and anxious to know if we were adding a little boy or a little girl to our family. When we got home, we were the saddest we had ever been. Waking up the next morning was the worst because for the first second I woke up, I forgot that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. And then I remembered and was crushed.

I’m sharing this because it’s been a while since I needed a “be kind to yourself” reminder more than I do right now. Now that I’m a mom, I’ve sadly heard miscarriage stories from other moms I know. In each instance, I have felt so, so sad and heartbroken for them and not a single ounce of judgement at all. Not once would it cross my mind in the case of one of my friends to think… “Oh no. I wonder what they did wrong to CAUSE their miscarriage to happen?”  Why is it then that I have these thoughts about myself? I don’t know the answer to that question, to be honest. I do know that this is EXACTLY why I wanted to start The Be Kind Company in the first place. I’m trying my best to be gentle and kind to myself right now. Allowing myself to be sad and at the same time remembering to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. First and foremost: the sweetest, healthiest, happiest little 3-year-old and my dear husband who’s dealing with the same pain I am and still continuing to be loving, helpful and supportive. I know that together, the three of us can get through anything. And I pray that someday, if it’s meant to be, we’ll have another little one join our family here on Earth.